Saturday, October 25, 2008

my pathethic poor pitiful me post.

when i started this blog, it was mainly going to be about my fiber addiction... mixed in with little tidbits of my rural life. yet, when i look at my blog now i see how busy my rural life has become and how little time i have for my favorite addiction-the very thing that keeps me going. there are no fiber posts anymore. this makes me depressed as i look at other fiber blogs and see how prolific everyone is. i feel unproductive, pathetic and like a real fiber loser!. i so want to create more. i want to delve into my passion- but i also feel incredibly stretched thin in all directions with my responsibilities. so stretched that i feel like some bratty kid just got a hold of me and i'm a freakin Stetch Armstrong doll!

i just want to run into the forest screaming .....uh...i guess i already do that on occasion-the forest always makes me feel better. which is why i don't live in the concrete jungle anymore-as i can revel in the dark side there.

what's a gurl to do? there are just so many hours in day. by the time the daily necessities of life are done-homeschooling, meals, chickens, gardening, dog walking, laundry, property work and what little bit of housework i can manage(just ask hubby) gets done-i'm beat, done, spent...... no energy left for fiber, no energy for banjo practice, no energy for reading or writing. if i do try and partake in some fiber fun during the day i'm plagued with guilt that i should be doing something else. to top it off our family just took on our local town newspaper-the camptonville courier. we didn't want to see it die, as the current editors were letting go after many years of hard volunteer work. our community needs a voice so we took it on rather than see it die. lately, even blogging is starting to feel like a chore instead of enjoyment. insert heavy "sigh!"

it's not like i don't want to do all these things....except maybe the housework-i hate housework with a passion-i'd rather dig a ditch!!!! i just can't seem to do all i need to and do it well-there are compromises. like no laundry or other housework got done when the deck was built. so now i'm trying to play catch up. the paper needed to get done this week. carey and i (as hubby was out of town working hard)managed to get a bunch done in the past few days..yet once again daily chores suffered. i need a house elf! dobby where are you?
now i know i need to calm down and realize no one's "to do" list is ever done. i need to just chill. but it's hard. my new mantra is "lighten up" but mantras have never worked for me. maybe instead.... i just need a new tattoo-that's it some nice big chola script writing up my forearm-on the soft under belly(painful) part with the words"Lighten up!" carved into my arm, yeah- yeah that's the ticket!

nah.... tatoos are too expensive these days. it was a nice thought though.

guess i'm feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself(boohoo.) i just really needed to vent a bit-yes, i had my cry in the woods too but i have 2 angels to thank who must have sensed my angst... anyone who truly knows me knows 'im a boot gurl-thru and thru....dear friend jeannete gave me some awesome doc martins: check these babies out!!!!

and another friend karen up in washington just sent me a package-a gorgeous glass pendant her brother made. in my colors! the picture does not do it justice.

last weekend i built the deck,but i also started roofing a part of my chicken coop that wasn't finished. it was just painted plywood last winter with a tarp. well, i only got as far as the roofing felt. once again too much on my plate. i 'm dreading the shingles. i need to finish soon as i see the welcomed rain is suppose to be here nov. 1st. i can't let the felt get wet. better get on it sunday!!!
well, another day gone and least we got the paper done today with a bit of aid from rod(thanks!) the previous editor yet i missed the natural dye workshop with Darlene Hayes at sue's house. oh well such is life-i'm feeling better now. thanks for listening and let me whine.

here's a picture of one tired boy and his faithful side kick.


Turbo: said...

Oh Gurl!!!!

I don't have the words. I can only send you my love and wishes for continued strength to trudge the road. I understand, all too well, the fight to find your own time amidst all the pulling. But you know and I know that you do good work, whatever it is that you're doing.

Do not lose faith, do not fold up, do not give in. So what if you can't blog daily or even weekly. I have a feeling, this time in our lives with the children, is precious and before we know it, they'll be off on their own adventure. And then you'll have all the fiber time in the world. . .

Much love and many blessings do I blow westward to you-

MX said...

OMG! Blue is growing up so fast!

I am sorry you're having some down days. I TRULY understand and am sending you strenght right this minute.

I LOVE that pendant and without really knowing you, can tell it's perfect for you.

I have been so broke, not ordering anything and totally out of the habit of looking on my front stoop for packages so I was amazed last night when I got a glimpse of a box out there. What a wonderful surprise first of all, just seeing a box on the stoop. But when I opened it, sheez Louise! That red merino is to die for! I've been battling a flair of sciatica and have not touched my wheel in over a month but can't wait until my physical therapist turns me loose. I will surely send you pics of it spun. I can't thank you enough. Aside from the awesome beauty, the timing was SO right on. I needed a good surprise. You sure made a cranky lady in AR happy. I can't tell you how much!!!
OH and M.A. is my real name;-)

soxchik said...

I know the overwhelmed feeling. You need a helper monkey.

Jeanne said...

I think it's hard to look around at times like these and to see that others seem to be having better success at these things. All I can say is look at my blog whenever you need to see that someone else isn't getting things done or blogged either! :) And hang in there!! Also, your boy and your dog are amazingly beautiful.

PS: did you say you took over the running of a newspaper? Hello?? That is just "wow!"